Preparing for an unnatural disaster

I’m Just Sayin’

by SHEILA SMITH

Well, it’s 2012 and according to the Mayans, we all have less than six months to live.

With that permanent vacation date in sight, the Gulf Coast is experiencing an unbelievable outbreak in zombie/cannibal attacks.

Within a matter of weeks, some guy in Miami stopped his car on a highway, got naked, started a fight with a homeless man then literally chewed the man’s face off; a man in the Rayne area got into a fight with another man and bit a chunk out of his face; then a San Antonio mother murdered her son with a knife and two swords then ate his brain and some fingers and toes.

We face a lot of dangers in this world: gun violence, rape, kidnapping, etc. But we never walk outside thinking, “What if someone eats my left arm today?”

We are already in a place in time where many people are awaiting the end of the world. There are even television shows devoted to those preparing for the end of the world. If you have ever seen an episode of “Doomsday Preppers,” you have seen families decorating bomb shelters; canning vegetables and fruits; practicing drills in the forest; stockpiling ammunition; designing homemade water purifiers; and more end-times activities.

But zombies? Who prepares for an onslaught of zombies? More importantly, how does one prepare for the arrival of zombies?

The good news for those of us in the Gulf Coast region is that the zombie outbreak is taking place at the perfect time of the year. You probably don’t know this, but the exact preparations you make in anticipation of hurricanes are the same precautions to take in event of a zombie apocalypse.

Don’t believe me? Then you should skee-daddle over to http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm, which is an exact link to the Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC) page on what to do during a zombie apocalypse. (Yes. Add ‘zombie awareness’ to the list of stupid things we pay for with our tax dollars.) According to the CDC, you follow the same rules for a zombie outbreak as you do during any other emergency: gallon of water for each person per day, non-perishable food items, flashlights, evacuation plan, etc.

(I should probably take this opportunity to tell you the agency has taken advantage of zombies’ place in pop culture. The CDC is using ‘zombie apocalypse’ to describe any type of disaster, in an effort to get younger generations involved in emergency preparedness.)

So no matter what natural, or unnatural, disaster you are preparing for, you’re pretty much killing a number of birds with one stone. I don’t know that anyone can say with certainty if the hurricane preparedness items work as efficiently during a zombie outbreak.

But considering the number of zombie attacks in recent weeks in the South, some of us just might have the chance to try out preventative measures.

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Posted by Graphic Designer 2 on Jun 13 2012. Filed under Editorial Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.