A name like that is hard to forget (and pronounce)

While going through a document that listed a number of children’s accomplishments, I stumbled across a name that left my jaw hanging on my desk.

“Please do not tell me this is actually a child’s name,” I said, staring in confusion at the paper in my hand. “This is a joke, right?”

A co-worker leaned over my shoulder and examined the paper.

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “There is a poor kid actually living with that name.”

I sighed. “There is no hope for society.”

As much as I support freedom of all sorts, I really think America should form some sort of special committee that decides whether a child can or cannot receive a particular name. It’s not an off-the-wall idea on a worldwide scale, apparently because odd parents can be found anywhere.

New Zealand actually has a names registrar that bans particular names, and for good reason, according to The Daily Mail. Many of the names ended up on the list after parents attempted to give their son or daughter a ridiculous title.

For example, some of the banned names include Lucifer; the letters C, D, I and T; and Number 16 Bus Shelter.

Babies born in Sweden are also subject to a naming law. For example, there, even though one resident tried, you cannot name your child Brfxxccxxm npcccclllm mnprxvclmnck ssqlbb11116 (pronounced Albin).

The idea of such a committee probably scares most people but obviously there is a need for someone to overrule some parents.

I’m all for unique names but there is a fine line between unique and tacky. There are actually people who name their children after alcohol and I don’t mean Jack, Johnny or Jim. People out there are naming their kids Wine, Whiskey and Moonshine. When they aren’t naming their children after products, they are completely slaughtering modern English and grammar rules with spelling. What was once “Jane” has become “Jhaynn” and “Joe” has updated to “Jowhe.” It’s not unique, either; it simply gives the impression that the parents lack language skills.

I think a number of people would back a baby name committee, too: teachers (“Is Zabamolusha absent today? Has anyone seen Zabamolusha?”); anyone in the medical field (“Yes, I’m calling to remind…uh…K-R-#-B-I-Q-* of their appointment today.”); and telemarketers.

Sadly, many in this area would be disappointed with the baby name committee. Yes, I have seen what you name your children; you do realize they will be the ones choosing your nursing home one day, right?

Short URL: http://www.jenningsdailynews.net/?p=17795

Posted by on Feb 27 2013. Filed under Editorial Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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