I feel so lucky to have so many “friends”

The Way I See It

by DON WEST

Every morning when I come to work, my day is brightened when I open my mailbox. I usually have from 15 to 130 e-mails and it is so encouraging to hear from all my friends who are interested in my health and welfare. Just this morning, my buddy Robert, has notified me that I can earn $24,000 in 24 hours. Someone in customer service at Group Lotto has a claim form for me to win $2,500, I’m pretty sure it was my old buddy, Brian. Sandra has informed me that I can refinance my house for the lowest interest rates anywhere and there are a whole host of folks who are interested in my health out there.

Some have told me I can lose 100 pounds in just two days. Some are concerned that I may not be getting enough nutrition and they want to enhance me with magic potions and formulas. Some are even interested in enhancing some parts of me that I won’t discuss in this venue, but I have to wonder how they know if I need that. There are many who are concerned that I may have a little bit of privacy some time, so they want to make sure that I have every conceivable form of electronic device, so many that I could have my left ear call my right ear while I ‘m taking a shower.

I apparently even have friends who want to enhance my life by offering me pictures of themselves, some not exactly dressed for church. Does your Mama know you are doing that? Oh, that is your Mama. They want to date me, and I just have to pay $45 a minute to talk to them. What a deal. As soon as I take Robert up on his offer and get that first $24k, I can call one of these girls. Heck, by the end of the week, I will be so rich, they will probably pay to call me.

As if I wasn’t already overwhelmed with love from all my friends, Jack writes to tell me that I can save 75 percent on my ink cartridges and he’ll even throw in a free computer. He did mention that not all customers will get the same results from the ink cartridges, but if they don’t print good, I can drink the ink, which will reduce the amount of fat that my body retains. Jack says I have a money-back guarantee, so I just can’t go wrong. And if that ain’t enough, Wilbert just popped in to offer me a four-for-one deal, where I can get free money, free bargains, free psychic advice, and a free car. Well, I’m sorry folks, I have to stop here and go start collecting all this good stuff before it gets away. It says it’s a limited time offer, and I sure don’t want to miss this. See ya’ next week. That will be me ridin’ down Main Street in my new car. It will be the one with the billboard mounted on top. That’s how I am going to make them millions.

Short URL: http://www.jenningsdailynews.net/?p=22060

Posted by on Aug 29 2013. Filed under Editorial Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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