How to legally obtain free crawfish

I’m Just Sayin’


You know, I am not one to publicly advocate criminal behavior (never mind why I would privately advocate it). Of course, I do think that if you are going to get tangled with the law, at least make it worthwhile.

So now that Jeff Davis Parish is apparently the top spot in Cajun country to steal live crawfish (we’re averaging one documented theft per week over the last month), I have to ask, why?

“I mean, if it’s a felony theft, why not try to steal something more worthwhile, like actual cash?” I asked Jennings Daily News Staff Writer Allison Cryer. “I mean, you can either sell or eat crawfish. I would rather the cash. Doesn’t felony theft start at $500?”

Cryer, the kindest person on our staff, was quiet for a moment. “Well…you probably shouldn’t steal anything.”

I sipped my coffee. “Yeah, there’s that, too.”

You know, I love crawfish but I seldom eat it anymore. It’s ridiculously expensive. I’m not blaming any person or group for how it expensive it is now. Farmers have to spend a lot of money to make money and I have to save money to have money. Since crawfish is so expensive, I simply choose not to eat it. I mean, you want to charge me how much for five pounds boiled? I’ll take my $25-$30 and buy some groceries.

Crawfish is not good or expensive enough to steal, either, not when there is the chance of getting caught, paying fines, having a record and/or spending time in jail. If I were that desperate for mudbugs, I’d simply drag a net through the ditches around crawfish fields. Ditches are fair game.

Why would you want to sneak through a crawfish pond anyway to steal? There are several crawfish ponds around my neighborhood and you know what happens when the crawdads come out? The anaconda-sized cottonmouths and rat snakes arrive, too. Do I want crawfish or do I want to be bitten to death like the Irish lad Sean in “Lonesome Dove”? I’d rather a ham sandwich.

Plus, crawfish fields typically smell like death. When the weather is of a certain temperature and the wind is just right, I catch a whiff of decomposing crawfish, turtles, frogs, snakes and bird waste all mixed together and say, “Ah, crawfish season.” I don’t want to smell like that, especially if I get caught and am taken directly to jail.

Oh, yeah. I guess I should probably mention that you shouldn’t steal at all. It’s generally frowned upon.

If I was a farmer and caught someone stealing my crawfish, I would probably not take the time to call law enforcement. I would use the thief or thieves as bait.

In the meantime, because it isn’t nice to steal and crawfish costs a pretty penny, I shall be keeping my eyes on crawfish ponds in the area. If I see someone I suspect is a thief, I shall report it to law enforcement and the farmer.

Then, because crawfish is so expensive yet I have been a law abiding citizen, I will ask the kind farmer for a free sack of crawlers in exchange for being a good Samaritan. In Jeff Davis Parish, I have a pretty good chance of getting lots of free crawfish.

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Posted by on Mar 27 2013. Filed under Editorial Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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