THE POWER OF SPEAKING UP

HATHAWAY — Gorilla. King Kong.

“You belong in a zoo.”

Without any context, these words may not seem important. But when they are hurled at a 14-year-old black student, the impact can be life-changing.

Cayra Carpenter is using her experience to change lives for the better.

She began attending Hathaway High School (HHS) three years ago after relocating from Nachitoches. There she attended a magnet school where the student body included black, white, Hispanic and biracial youth. Diversity did not prevent bullying, however.

“When I was younger, I really didn’t have friends at school and would basically pay people to be my friend,” she said. “But they would let me know, ‘Once I use this, we’re not friends anymore.’ So coming to Hathaway was a new start for me.”

At HHS, she is one of very few minority students. Carpenter said she was never targeted because of her race. This school year, however, her experience changed with the arrival of new students.

“I am no animal, I am a human being. I may be of a different race and color but I am still as equal as anyone else ...”
– Cayra Carpenter

“I guess they took advantage of me being the only black girl in my grade,” she said, “or they are doing what they learned from their parents. There are a few people who have a whole different mindset.”

During school, a student pulled pictures of gorillas from the Internet then shared them with other classmates. Some students said those images depicted Carpenter, who belonged in a zoo.

Carpenter said she reported the situation to a teacher. According to her, the instigating student was ultimately let off with a warning.

“Then he came back to school one day and said his parents didn’t care what he did and that I deserved it,” she said.

A few students then took the insults to social media. About three weeks ago, Carpenter and a friend took a picture together then shared it online.

“The next day my friends sent me a different picture,” Carpenter said. “A guy had put gorilla faces all over the picture, even over my friend’s face. But not mine.”

A caption on the photo read, “Family of Gorillas.” Plastered over Carpenter’s forehead in the picture was the word “Mom.” Several students shared the picture on their own social media accounts and via text.

Her mother Catina Lyons knew about previous incidents of bullying involving pictures of gorillas. She had wanted to speak to school administrators. Carpenter had stopped her, however, worried adult intervention would make the situation worse.

“Bullying is bad enough but the gorilla part, that plays a big issue in our culture because it is so derogatory to call us gorillas and apes,” Lyons said. “When she showed me the picture that had been edited, I was livid. My first instinct was to bust (the bullies) on social media. But I didn’t. I really had to pray. I had to pray hard.”

As a Christian, Lyons said, she knew verbal retaliation would only breed hate.

“And that’s not what we’re about,” she said. “We don’t see every Caucasian person as being against us. We love people for who they are. We know there are better people out there. And like our pastor at Our Savior’s Church, Josh Belt, told us once, hurt people hurt other people.”

Initially Carpenter wanted to take her anger out on the students involved via social media. Lyons told her daughter that instead of reacting negatively, the family had a God-given opportunity to show love and forgiveness.

Still, the teenager felt she needed to publicly address the situation. That need was fueled by other youths’ tragic stories.

Two weeks after the picture circulated, Carpenter read two separate accounts of young people committing suicide after enduring bullying.

“I just thought, ‘This isn’t right,’” she said. “People shouldn’t have to deal with that. I thought, OK, these people have this picture of me and are laughing but I know bigger things will come out of it.”

After writing then rewriting her thoughts and feelings, she posted her story on Facebook, as well as the unedited and edited pictures that were circulated. She discussed the insults she had endured and how those experiences sometimes brought her to tears. She wrote that the particular incident with the “Family of Gorillas” picture left her heartbroken and feeling unworthy.

“…I am sick and tired of people pushing me around and making fun of me,” she wrote. “It’s not funny (and) it’s not a joke. It’s racist and disgusting. I am no animal, I am a human being. I may be of a different race and color but I am still as equal as anyone else, and I refuse to sit around and do nothing and just forget. God has given me the courage and strength to share my story and here I am.”

Lyons only learned of her daughter’s post after it was published.

“In a way I felt bad because I had her be quiet about what happened,” she said. “But then I saw what she wrote and thought maybe that is what she needed to heal.”

Public reaction to Carpenter’s post was swift. She was complimented for her bravery and mature handling of the situation. Teachers, classmates, acquaintances and strangers expressed encouragement and support. In less than a week, over 12,000 people read her story.

Some relationships were mended following her post. A few students who had previously bullied Carpenter reached out to apologize. Some of their parents personally contacted her to apologize for their children’s behavior.

Not everyone has expressed remorse, however.

“The guy who made this gorilla picture and the people who shared it haven’t contacted me and they blocked me on social media,” she said. “I didn’t really expect an apology but I still wish they would have at least talked to me.”

Carpenter knows she is not the only student regularly experiencing bullying in her class. She said she personally knows of at least six other freshmen dealing with bullying. One senior told Carpenter she is currently experiencing this as well.

An especially difficult aspect of this experience is that Carpenter was subjected to racism.

“It doesn’t matter what your skin color is, what matters about a person is how they treat people,” she said. “There’s no segregation now. We all go to the same school. We might not all be rich or poor or have the exact same type of life, but as people we’re the same. The only thing that might make me different from you is my race.”

Asked if this experience has made her reconsider how she has treated others in the past, Carpenter said yes.

“I’ve never bullied anyone because of their race but I won’t lie, I realized I have been a bully before,” she said. “A lot of times what I did or said was in retaliation to something that was done to me. I told myself it was OK to do it because they did it first. But that didn’t make it right.”

Because any child can be bullied or be the bully, Lyons challenges parents to talk with their children and closely monitor their social media activity.

“Some have no clue that their kids are struggling or that they are mistreating others because their kids are ashamed, or they wouldn’t dare behave a certain way around their parents,” Lyons said. “Parents can get involved and stop this. Teachers and administrators can, too.”

While Lyons and her daughter want to combat bullying, she said they choose to do so peacefully just as Jesus and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. did.

“We desire all children to be judged by the content of their character, not by their weight, height, race, appearance or socioeconomic status,” she said. “As children of God, we are all the same. People tend to grab hold of other people’s insecurities or differences and use that to try to ruin lives.”

Through this experience Carpenter has learned she is worthy of life and beautiful. She said she has become stronger not only as a person but as a young black woman.

“And I learned I can make a difference and help others make a difference,” she said. “That’s why I am planning to create a website for a blog that deals with bullying. I want to help share other people’s stories, maybe give them a way to contact me if they need someone who understands what they’re going through.”

Carpenter said she sees no point in someone editing and spreading the photo as they did. She knows she could have retaliated or crumbled under the weight of the situation.

“This could have ended differently,” she said. “But it didn’t. And it’s not the end. For me, it’s the beginning.”

The mother and daughter encourage any youth experiencing bullying to confide in an adult they know and trust.